Even in community, there is conflict. Our Communities of Health (CoH) work is not immune to this. In large and small cities around the country, our work plays out in personal, interpersonal, and systemic relationships. And, as our psychologist friend Lou Cox, PhD, reminds us: “Human systems are made up of imperfect people, i.e., us … people developed in some ways, and undeveloped in others. They are created in our own collective image, and reflect our best and our worst.”

Most of the conflicts we’ve encountered (and, by definition, been part of creating) have been resolved in ways that allow the work to flow forward. Indeed, in many cases, stepping into conflict and seeing our way through together has changed the path in profoundly better ways, for those of us directly involved and by extension for the many intended to benefit from our work.

Not resolving conflict, or refusing to see it in the first place, can be poisonous, particularly for a team intending to create healthier communities. We cannot bring to others what we are unwilling to acknowledge, confront and heal in our own relationships.

The practices for seeing and freeing ourselves from conflict have existed for thousands of years. They are simple and sincere forms of dialogue. Inclusive, ongoing and deeply reflective. (We practice these forms of dialogue in our CoH gatherings, and from time to time will offer ideas here — so please share yours with us.)

A particular quality of dialogue, what Dr. Lou Cox calls “conscious conversation“, is necessary for any meaningful shift in relationship or system. Without it, we play at the surface; we may do great things together for a time, but if we have not agreed how we will handle conflict — or if we tell ourselves we can simply “skate over” it — we may get derailed at the first signal that all is not as harmonious as we thought. In our CoH work, a team of would-be-interveners not consciously communicating would harbor the very seeds of disconnect we seek to remedy in broken communities.

Rather, when we see ourselves and our relationships as ongoing practice fields for the work, we can begin to see together that what creates conflict is a kind of fear. We can name it as such. And in this understanding we find commonality, we find hope, and a way forward together. We come to see that this matters in every relationship that we extend into the larger communities, systems and world we are connected to.